Geez, you’re such a hypocrite.

You say, “Oh don’t be afraid to ask me anything.” When I do that, you get mad and lecture me how I always want to go out. Lol, girl no. I only ask when I really want to go— Which is every once in a while. I’m not going to get pregnant. I don’t like boysssss ahhh hahahaa.

fuck it, shit happens. and maybe if we had a stronger relationship and we did things AS A FAMILY, i wouldn’t be so angry at home. 

I hate how nowadays you can’t hang out with the opposite sex without someone assuming you two have a thing. Like, hello, there are these things called friendships. Ahh people annoy me and some blow up things way outta proportion.

I never believed someone can cause you so much pain. You affected me in so many ways. You made a bundle of emotions come out— through my tears, the pain I’ve given myself, and all the torturous tactics I was tempted on doing. All the actions I’ve done that could have harmed myself contains something to do with our relationship, how you treated me, and every little thing you did. 

It’s possible to cry over the silliest things. None that even matter to you. It just shows how weak I am. As if you enjoy the sight of me crying. You have captivated me with your love— a love you and I once shared. You and I both moved on; you believe that I don’t think about you anymore. You still hold a place in my heart. It may not be as meaningful as before but I can reassure you that at one point you meant the world to me, and if you meant that much to me, you’d know that no one can take your place nor it will make me forget you. 

Just like the planets, it needed gravity to keep itself in orbit. You were my gravity.

Today marks the day where I believed that it was the end of the world. over-exaggerating, I’m aware of that. That the love we once shared has completely vanished the face of the earth. I can watch the whole scene where it ended in my head whenever I close my eyes. I remember every word, our peers and where we were standing.

Let me just tell you how I felt about you. Yes, felt, as in past tense. I no longer feel that way about you now. Me moving just made things easier to get rid all thoughts of you and not seeing you made it easier to not be affected by you.

That day you broke my heart; a sharp pain I never even knew existed hit me before I could even say a word to you. I broke down even before you finished your sentence because I knew what was coming up. You were the magician and I was mesmerized with your love— I believed every word you said. You even controlled me at one point in time. Was I that naive? For those two years, I kept running back to you. That I was affected by you so long. I believed everything fell back into place when we were together again. I loved you that much that I’d take you back in heartbeat. I’d be stubborn, I’d start fights, I’d get mad over the little things, I’d be that one controlling and clingy girlfriend. And when things got hard for us, I tried to keep our relationship strong but when you found someone better, you left. You told me you just wanted to make me happy— That was your excuse. You made me happy, but I ended up being the heartbroken one.

But only time can heal a broken heart. Sooner than later, someone eventually stepped up and made me stop having these feelings towards you.

Stop bitching.

Stop complaining.

Stop bringing other people down.

If you don’t like something, get the fuck up and start doing something. Do something for your satisfaction. Fight for what you want. You can easily take my place. Think you’re not good enough? There’s always room for improving, make yourself better. Stop letting the little things get to you. You think you have it bad, but you don’t. Stop comparing yourself to other people because you’re not them or you can’t have what they have. 

It’s only temporary.

You can’t just do that to someone I care about. It hurts seeing him like that. As if I can feel his pain with what the shit he tells me. You better clear things up because you left him all confused. Make up your mind, why don’t you? 

Everything fucking sucks. Me. You. Her. Him. Everyone. Moving on is most definitely easier said than done. When I friends people surrounding me, I seem perfectly fine, don’t I? Yeah, because I am. You’re off my mind whenever I have the people I love being with are around. When I’m in class or alone, you’re all I fucking think about. I think about what happened between us, how we first met. I still can’t over how we texted each other that one rainy day (haha). Everything we’ve done and everything that was said.

It fucking sucks. I’m here being a fucking simp. I need someone who will slap me outta this. People here and there just telling me to give it up and I’m trying my best. I want to move on. I know I can and I will, I just don’t know when.

WHEN IN DOUBT,

WE COULDAAAA HAD IT AAALLLLLLLLLLL, ROLLING IN THE DEEEEEP. Where’s my twin? Let’s harmonize :1

And I know I promised you no one’s ever going to take me away from you, I’m still keeping that promise because I always will be here. I’m just saying I like being with them now. A lot actually. They show me a good time. Not most of the time, physically, but when and if you need me, I’m here. 

I honestly don’t want anything to do with you anymore. Relationship wise. I’m doing my complete best to move on and get rid all thoughts of you. I’m emotionally drained. I’m tired of all of this bullshit. Not necessarily bullshit, but we both know we gave each other a whole lotta shit the past few months.

I still love you. I still like you. It’s going to be that way for a while. Idk, how long. Hopefully sooner than later. (lolno?k,anyway)

I still want to exist in your life because well the amount of time you have here is limited, but it really is hard to be to be friends with someone you had something with. Especially if what makes them happy or what currently has their attention, hurts you more than it should. 

What the fuck ever.